Many people are preparing for the special festive season now - much shopping, cooking and wrapping presents is to be done - and then eating, meeting, unwrapping and hopefully much joy and delight for all.
When everything is meant to be special, it can be hard or stressfull as well, because we want everything to be perfect. I certainly remember childhood christmas where disappointments were part of it all - everyone was trying so hard for it to be special, but the very ordinary tensions, though uninvited, also came along. It was hard to be with that, then, when all we wanted was the magical bits.
I certainly could not see it like that then, but each moment, every day is special of course. And that is not because we make them so, through much effort, but because they just are: now there is this unique light, these unique beings and circumstances around, coming together only in this moment. Not always as we would like them to be, but always as they are, with all the lightness of being just this moment.
Each moment can be appreciated in its uniqueness if we see it as just itself - as an end in itself, not a means to an end. Often we are caught within linear time where we try to get to a something, an 'it' that will be just as we want it to be. We work at getting there with all the effort we can make.
Maybe in this time of plenty we can also notice the spaces in between: the waiting, the preparation, the before guests come, the clearing up, the after they have left. In between times are called Bardo in the Tibetan (gap or intermediate state), or also in Japanese culture there is the concept of ‘Ma’ – of conscious pauses, gaps, creating and inhabiting space, rather than just being in the rush to achieve or get something done – of 'us' creating ‘it’.
Ma (pronounced "maah") is a celebration of not things, but the space between them. It is about negative space, voids, emptiness. And it is relished in everything from interiors, architecture and garden design to music, flower arrangement and poetry. (1)
As a small example, when Japanese are taught to bow in early age, they are told to make a deliberate pause at the end of the bow before they come back up — as to make sure there is enough MA in their bow for it to have meaning and look respectful.
Similarly, a tea break in a busy day has to be in a quiet place, away from the routines of work — so that one can soak in the serenity of MA before getting back to busy life. (2)
We can notice that with the effort we make and without it too - everything arises in space, co-arises with all that is around us - the weather, other people, trains - delayed or punctual, food - delicious or a little overcooked - everything that goes perfect, or some happenings that go just as they do, but maybe not quite how we imagined them .... Â Maybe we can take it all lightly. It arises and passes in space, and we don't need to feel too responsible for everything.
Pattern encounters pattern and new patterns are formed. Some are formed easily and then we say, 'I am happy'. Some are formed with conflict and difficulty and then we say, 'I am unhappy'. Both are events unfolding in time. Each of these moments can be taken as 'this is who I am', 'this is my life' and that may have a truth but it's not the whole story. Observing the arising and passing of these different forms – happy, sad – we have many flavours, but none of them define us. (James Low)
I hope we can all enjoy the special moments and the moments in between, where specialness might need to be discovered. Wishing you all happy festive days, in whatever way you spend them!
Come along to a day retreat on the 5th of January, called Dance in the new you-with-me!
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